Business operating normally with some delivery delays.

Mrs. ROBERTS - The Toddler’s Mother

One of a series of occasional posts where I explore family moments in the life of one of our own Happy Families card game characters. If you wish, you can add your own comments, insights and improvements below.


Today’s Happy Families playing card character is The Toddler’s Mother….


Mrs. Roberts, the toddler’s mother had just arrived home from the Montessori’s class coffee morning.


Master Roberts, the toddler had looked a little peaky earlier and so had stayed at home with the dizzy new au pair. Mrs. Roberts had taken Miss Roberts the Baby to meet the Montessori mums for coffee.


It began badly. Mrs. Roberts bluffed, fluffed, huffed and puffed her way through a sixteen-point-turn manoeuvre to get her overloaded baby buggy through the coffee shop’s user-unfriendly doors. There followed a ninety yard walk back down the pavement to collect Miss Roberts the Baby’s grubby dummy, (Mrs. Roberts had already purchased six new dummies that month and wasn’t going to get any more no matter how much Miss Roberts the Baby screamed). Upon her return to the coffee shop she discovered that out of nowhere, a vast boa-constrictor of a queue was now snaking its way back to the aforementioned entrance and gingerly around her overloaded and very noisy buggy.


Further horrors: she joined the boa constrictor next to Competitive Carol who, true to form, boastfully reeled off her families’ unrivalled achievements for a seemingly interminable 8 minutes, 23 seconds before she finally reached the barrister. “It’s barista you baby-brained buffoon” she muttered to herself.


“A medium skinny cappuccino with chocolate please”
“Skinny cap, sure, no problem……what size you want ?”
“Medium”
“You want chocolate with that ?”

On the upside, Mrs. Roberts the Toddler’s Mother had managed to find a single seat amongst friendly faces, thereby dodging further contact with Competitive Carol. Indeed the other mums fortified her with additional cappuccinos and juicy gossip about the hot new gym teacher until she felt altogether more awake, in control and with it.

She surfed home on a tidal wave of caffeine, primed and ready for the hectic day that lay ahead. “Where’s Master Roberts the Toddler ?” she asked the dizzy new au pair “In zee sitting room” came the nonchalant reply”.

I'll just go and check on him she thought....